Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
