The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
