Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
