I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
