i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So much Jack, so little girl.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
