He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize