all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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