Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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