so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
