she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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