The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
