i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
