someone threw a dead crab at me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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