Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
