Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
