just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm both gender and math confused
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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