Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
