standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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