Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
