Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We have started to decorate penises.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
