If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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