You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
