dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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