Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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