im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
