is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
