It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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