And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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