im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
