I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could fuck to npr.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
