I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
