why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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