so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
