Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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