I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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