Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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