If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
