Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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