I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
