i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
