his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
