just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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