its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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