i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Everyone says I win the strip club
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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