Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
