Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
