i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
