i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
