I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
