Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
