if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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