the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
