Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
