is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
