wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
