i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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