Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
