She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
