oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
