ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
