I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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