I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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