Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
