when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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