at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
