I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
