2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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