my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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