i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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